Echo Dot

The other day I went shopping with my parents and my mother proceeded to pull out a whole lot of coupons. Clearly they are not long for this world.

Although I will give her credit, they were all actually in date

When my cat sees a bird he goes low to the ground, because he knows that’s what you’re supposed to do, and then shuffles awkwardly towards them. Usually they fly off and he looks relieved.

It’s impossible because Trump keeps doing things it can still be 3:00 in the morning over there and he’ll do something. All Europe seems to have is the Germans, and they keep posting in their weird secret language.

I think it probably depends on what kind of gym you’re going to. I don’t get invited to those kind of gyms.

You get them a lot in gyms for obvious reasons.

A dram is like two fingers. You’d not even get a buzz off that. Look it up

Yeah but what community are you in? After all, everything’s relative.

No one’s getting drunk off one glass of whisky. So drinking one glass of whisky is not indicative of any psychological problem.

That’s like asking somebody if they’re sad because they had one bowl of ice cream.

I’d love to know what you are actually trying to achieve.

Hey Grandma want to get blown up, it’s the hot new trend.

Maybe that’s why I don’t like coffee. Maybe I just keep getting given instant.

Rating bullying on a scale of 1 to 5 is such a confusing way of doing it.

Does the bullying have to be of a high quality with lots of originality in order to get a 5/5

25 what?

I just find it amazing that in the US you have to file your own taxes. It seems purposefully stupid.

Surely you could just lie, so obviously they have to calculate the taxes themselves so why do they have you do it the first time?

It’s only Chicago style if it’s made in the Chicago region of France. Otherwise it’s just Domino’s.

0% chance any of it has come to visit

0% chance any intelligent aliens have come to visit. There is a non-0% chance that there have been some microbes on an asteroid. There are some variations on the panspermia theory that suggest that life didn’t even originate in this star system. There’s no evidence for any of it of course but it’s possible.

Every story about a bakery I’ve ever heard is them doing stuff like this. I’m convinced it’s a global conspiracy. Forgot the Freemasons, it’s the intentional cabal of cake decorators I’m worried about.

Most Nazis can’t help but tell you about themselves. All you have to do is talk to them for 15 seconds.

According to a friend who’s a lawyer she once had to explain to someone that she can’t sue her landlord because she slipped on a wet floor, since it was her house and therefore her wet floor. The landlord merely owns the house, but didn’t make the floor wet.

It’s like on medication when it says something along the lines of, do not take this medication if you are allergic to this medication or think you might be allergic to this medication.

Good now it’s your fault if you have an allergic reaction.

It reminds me of the time at work that we got a piece of industrial equipment. The manual clearly had been translated from Chinese into English via a Tibetan monk who would never heard either language.

It said things like “ensure when on that the fingers are not found” and “if loud kick immediately and call for help from empowering”. The best bit was the warning at the top that said “DO NOT DANGEROUS”, which was very helpful.

For some reason it also had a biohazard label on the box. It was a laser engraver. Where’s the biohazard?