I’ve never seen an episode of house, but based on secondhand accounts, this is how I imagine an episode going:

House: hello, it’s me, Dr house. I bet all of you that I can identify some crazy disease.

Unimportant Dr 1: You always do that

House: you are stupid and you should feel bad.

[Patient enters]

Patient: Doctor, I got bit by my dog.

House: You are stupid and should feel bad.

Unimportant Dr 1: House! You can say that to a patient!

House: Of course I can, it’s true. [Starts spitting out slurs]

Unimportant Dr 2: I’m so sorry about Dr house, let me dress that wound.

House: No! The patient can’t be treated!

Dr 2: why??

House: I’ll never tell. 😏

[Patient faints]

House(to Dr 2): How could you be so stupid!?

[House grabs nearby syringes and begins injecting the patient]

[Patient wakes up]

House(to Dr 2): If you weren’t so stupid, you would’ve gone to the patients house, kidnapped their dog and beheaded it. You see, this dog has a penchant for eating people with AIDS. So when the dog went to bite the patient, the patient got AIDS.

Patient: I have AIDS?

House: You are stupid and disgusting and you should feel bad.

Dr 1: I guess I owe you, House!

House: Give me the hospital’s supply of morphine. I am a drug addict.

[Omnes exeunt]