You lost me on the first sentence. I mean, I understand what you are saying but (as a married person) I can’t relate at all. Even at the beginning of our relationship, if my partner decided to leave me it would suck but I never really thought or worried about it. If there was a problem, we talked about it and tried to solve it in a way that worked for both of us.
Cheating et al, how often does it happen? Was it something you worried about before you were poly (if there was a before and if you don’t mind me asking, I don’t want to be rude)?
I think cheating is wrong because it’s a betrayal of your partner’s trust. What I have no problem with is my partners being with other people. That distinction is why I put “cheating” in quotations, as it isn’t really cheating when I’m fine with it. I worry about romantic partners betraying my trust in numerous ways, both before and after I realized I was poly. However, that’s a perfectly common fear that basically everyone has, not just about their partners, but about people in general.
What really made polyamory click for me was the realization that my partners being with others didn’t bother me, only them not communicating about it did. I can definitely get obsessive and possessive of other people; I definitely fear that people might abandon me. At the same time, that can happen regardless of if there is a third person involved, and if anything, being ok with a third person meant one less fear that would keep me up at night. So long as we’re both clear about our love for each other (something we’d need to do anyways), I would be happy.
This is all without even mentioning how awesome it is to be poly. Flirting with cuties guilt free? Bringing people home to each other? Having different itches scratched by different partners? Getting intimate with multiple people at once? Being poly is the best!
You lost me on the first sentence. I mean, I understand what you are saying but (as a married person) I can’t relate at all. Even at the beginning of our relationship, if my partner decided to leave me it would suck but I never really thought or worried about it. If there was a problem, we talked about it and tried to solve it in a way that worked for both of us.
Cheating et al, how often does it happen? Was it something you worried about before you were poly (if there was a before and if you don’t mind me asking, I don’t want to be rude)?
It’s not cheating if you were never coerced into making some bargain of ownership like a traditional religious marriage does.
I think cheating is wrong because it’s a betrayal of your partner’s trust. What I have no problem with is my partners being with other people. That distinction is why I put “cheating” in quotations, as it isn’t really cheating when I’m fine with it. I worry about romantic partners betraying my trust in numerous ways, both before and after I realized I was poly. However, that’s a perfectly common fear that basically everyone has, not just about their partners, but about people in general.
What really made polyamory click for me was the realization that my partners being with others didn’t bother me, only them not communicating about it did. I can definitely get obsessive and possessive of other people; I definitely fear that people might abandon me. At the same time, that can happen regardless of if there is a third person involved, and if anything, being ok with a third person meant one less fear that would keep me up at night. So long as we’re both clear about our love for each other (something we’d need to do anyways), I would be happy.
This is all without even mentioning how awesome it is to be poly. Flirting with cuties guilt free? Bringing people home to each other? Having different itches scratched by different partners? Getting intimate with multiple people at once? Being poly is the best!