When I was a little kid, one of those flying cunts stung my brother. So I vowed bitter revenge.

Over the years of my childhood, I caught dozens, if not hundreds of them with my net. Having caught one, I used to hold the net in front of a cross spider’s web, so that the wasp, triumphantly but mistakenly believing it had regained its freedom, had to fly straight into the web.

And then I watched the little asshole get destroyed. I’m pretty sure that to this day, I’m worshipped as a god by the local cross spider population.

*its

Still sounds really great.

I’m German, and whenever someone here claims the British have bad food I mention all the fantastic chutneys and pickles you guys have over there. Particularly fond of a thing called “Glorious Garlic Pickle” by The Bay Tree. I wish I had the recipe because they don’t ship to mainland Europe.

The onions still do the heavy lifting, I guess, and “a few bottles of malt vinegar” sounds a little excessive.

I personally prefer pure caramelized onions without any other ingredients except a bit of salt, to be honest. Won’t keep as long in the fridge but is the most versatile.

Onion chutney. And it IS divine. Add it to burgers or steak and you will regret having wasted so many years without it.