Who brought that idea in? You just made that up.

Oh, that’s what I understood from the thread starting with:

its ok to fap

But I agree with your points, in general.

I guess where I am talking past you (or ‘listening’ past you, as it were) is that my argument is focused on this specific instance of someone doing something and I understood people to react with discouragement. You’re embedding the discussion into a wider societal angle. It still seems somewhat strange to bring it up in this instance as the original post also doesn’t mention any of the points you touch on and the ideas thus seem similarly ‘made up’ and brought in, for this case, to me.

But I definitely don’t have an argument with the points themselves, they are well made.

But that’s exactly what I am saying, there’s a wide variety of actions that - on their own - aren’t really harmful if done in moderation. Sure gambling and drinking are more extreme examples, but you yourself agree that these actions ‘release chemicals we can form a dependency on’. So does gambling, so does overeating, so does masturbation. If it’s an issue for the person and they’re not doing it for a while then I also don’t see the use in singling this out in the list of things here. If it helps the person get motivated/be proud and engage positive feedback loops to not do it, why single masturbation out as useless?

Of course, ‘never fapping’ and automagically being a good person is an absurd manosphere grift to push. But if they were following a specific diet which in itself also doesn’t turn your life around but gets the ball rolling would you have the same stance? If it’s part of a process of change for a person I just don’t see the sense in such strong antipathy for this single case, I suppose.

In other words, of the list of things here - cold showers, room tidying, brushing teeth, not eating like crap - it’s the masturbation this thread singles out and tells the person: no that thing, you should definitely continue doing that. Just seems unproductive to me.

I get what you’re saying, but would you adopt the same stance for example for gambling or drinking alcohol? They’re not necessarily bad per se, it’s the compulsion and the trigger points it evokes for some people where I think it’s completely fine to just accept that for them not doing it at all - even if for a time - might be the correct move.

I mean yes, definitely, it’s a topic I want to broach. But since I’m not even sure myself yet on my exact feelings or wishes I find it harder to open a gentle, full discussion - especially when it may be around adjusting some fundamental relationship assumptions.

But I definitely didn’t want to make it sound like a one-sided fault, as these things rarely are.

My partner tends to do the same and I am not sure how to start this discussion. We recently had a fight about our respective ways of interacting during arguments just before they get heated and talked about it afterwards, coming to a (what I thought) somewhat satisfying conclusion on the areas we could each work on. Fast-forward about a week and by now I have overheard her tell this ‘story’ of our fight to about 5 different friends and family members on the phone, over the various days.

Like I said, I’m just not sure how to handle it - I don’t want to cut off her communication with friends. I realize sometimes you need to bounce off an idea you’re mulling over with a close friend. But I also feel there are certain private affairs I just don’t wanted chatted about to all our extended friend circle, and this is a pattern that’s repeated itself often enough now for me to recognize.