Me on my $30 mountain bike from the bike co-op. Miss that thing. It was a beast. They’d already fixed her up and it was the perfect bike to learn to really ride D.C. bike trails on. Rock solid.

Biblically accurate Moaning Lisa is coming soon! Also it’s to protest oil or whatever.

The likelihood of my eating the spiciest thing I can find for dinner has risen to 100%.

You absolute fools.

At the restaurants, just make sure they laugh at you a little when you order. Then you know it’s the good shit.

That sounds pretty good. I think I’m about to buy some spicy ramen.

Going around talking about it is a good way to get robbed.

I get it. We’ve gotta be careful with our joints (especially hips) at this age. Everything hurts! Makes me think of that classic oldie by 61-year-old Pearl Jam elder statesman Edward Vedder.

Edit: Shit, that’s REM. :(

Couldn’t you just drink a bunch of milk and get it all out? You have to run out of poop eventually, right?

…right!?

science is incredibly

Hell yeah. Take out the guy who scammed me over that watch I ordered late one night while drunk.

I would, but I’m not a sick homosexual pussy?

Unless…?

Some things you don’t forget.

Also I’m sorry. ❤️

“She’s dumb as shit and she stinks to high heaven… I’m in love.”

Ah, ma petit chou… Voulez-vous couchez avec mois ce soir?

Don’t worry, your mom gushed like Old Faithful when you were conceived. Your dad’s long-stroke game was on-point that night. You can rest easy, she was thoroughly satisfied.

Fuck both of you.

Geocities/MySpace:

I’m American, but I’ll try to fill the gaps for a bit.

WHAT is the DEAL with this plentiful health care!? It’s like…I’m thrivin’ over heeeere!