So OP, tell me what did you try? Did you go outside and meet people? Or maybe do you speak and try to arrange in person meetings with people you know online? Nothing? When you say “trying” what exactly that mean?
I mean, as someone who used to be in a similar sort of position:
Consider going outside and asking random attractive strangers to have sex with me -> no, that would be weird and rude and unpleasant for them, and that would make me feel terrible.
Consider going outside and interacting with random attractive strangers in a friendly capacity, getting to know them a bit, then asking them to have sex with me -> no, I would be building the friendship under false pretenses. Revealing my desire to have sex with them would be a betrayal of their trust, and would make me feel terrible.
Go to a bar or club where people commonly congregate with the intention of finding novel sexual partners -> Everyone seems to already know everyone they are talking to. Also, I can barely hear myself think over how loud the music is. Also, I have a creeping feeling that someone is going to stab me, so I move towards the nearest wall and put my back against it, then look in every possible direction as quickly as possible so I can see the threat before it comes. I talk to no one.
Go to a bar or club, but drink so you’re less of an anxious wreck -> proceed to get plastered on the cheapest drinks the bar sells. Feeling that I’m going to be stabbed reduces, but this creates more space for my brain to notice that no one is talking to anyone they don’t know. Go home drunk and hating yourself for not figuring this out when everyone else has.
Hire a prostitute -> No.
Start online dating account -> get no matches. Max out swipes every day, still no matches.
Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.
I’m far past that stage in my life now. But the problem most of these guys have isn’t that they are unwilling to put in effort, so much as it is that they have it in their heads that all the forms of effort that would actually be effective are, in one way or another, morally wrong.
Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.
That’s silly. It’s completely normal to try and show your best self on dating sites. Unflattering pictures usually either come off as laziness, or like you’re just so ugly that those ARE flattering pictures. So long as you aren’t using edited pictures, or pictures of someone else that’s not catfishing.
I mean, all of the above points are silly. The issue isn’t the actual percieved constraints - it is the belief that these constraints are real and/or insurmountable.
For example, talking to a random attractive person in a public place because you are interested in them isn’t weird, rude, or unpleasant for them. Well, maybe it’s a bit weird these days, but as long as you are polite and genial about it, it’s the good kind of weird that makes you stand out from the crowd. Of course, you can make the whole interaction unpleasant, but former-me’s problem was that he assumed it would be, full stop.
The fact is that the above list is a list of genuine problems and concerns. But these are problems to be solved, not absolute barriers to action.
I mean, as someone who used to be in a similar sort of position:
I’m far past that stage in my life now. But the problem most of these guys have isn’t that they are unwilling to put in effort, so much as it is that they have it in their heads that all the forms of effort that would actually be effective are, in one way or another, morally wrong.
Most of that makes sense but
That’s silly. It’s completely normal to try and show your best self on dating sites. Unflattering pictures usually either come off as laziness, or like you’re just so ugly that those ARE flattering pictures. So long as you aren’t using edited pictures, or pictures of someone else that’s not catfishing.
I mean, all of the above points are silly. The issue isn’t the actual percieved constraints - it is the belief that these constraints are real and/or insurmountable.
For example, talking to a random attractive person in a public place because you are interested in them isn’t weird, rude, or unpleasant for them. Well, maybe it’s a bit weird these days, but as long as you are polite and genial about it, it’s the good kind of weird that makes you stand out from the crowd. Of course, you can make the whole interaction unpleasant, but former-me’s problem was that he assumed it would be, full stop.
The fact is that the above list is a list of genuine problems and concerns. But these are problems to be solved, not absolute barriers to action.