I think I can see what went wrong here. The therapist is probably trying to disrupt their internal narrative but hasn’t established the baseline trust. Confrontation can be important in therapy. Sometimes, people can get the idea that their agency doesn’t matter, that they are just the sort of person who doesn’t get to (lose weight/have sex/get that job/etc.) and part of a therapist’s job can be to get the patient to break down that belief by questioning it, but if they haven’t established the necessary trust with the patient, it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
And Only time and repetition will be able to tell if it’s in good faith or bad faith.
Nothing makes someone feel safe and heard like a therapist completely unable to comprehend that something considered socially embarrassing is possible. If you have a friend like this, heathygamergg on YouTube is making some amazing dating videos and thinks helping someone date is something simple every therapist should be able to do. Maybe not quickly but as he put it, a 5 year goal so you aren’t as desperate
Therapist are like toothpaste. You keep trying another one until you find one that you like.
Most people would say shoes …
I just switched to a new toothpaste.
How is it?
A little too minty.
On to the next one, then.
I still got most of a tube to work my way through. I think I’m going try the cheapest colgate next.
So green text got a shitty therapist and needs to get a new one. Pretty normal, really.
Therapists with specialties seem to dislike it when their client doesn’t fall under that umbrella. I had a therapist whose specialty was child sexual abuse. I told her I didn’t experience any and she defensively snapped “Are you sure? Maybe you don’t remember it!”. I did not stick with her for long.
To be fair, black-hole-ing a traumatic memory absolutely happens to people. That said, that reaction is absolutely not how to go about resurfacing that kind of thing. If anything it needs to be handled with way more care than self-reported trauma.
Are you sure? Cause mostly I hear the idea of repressed memories being bullshit.
See the Satanic Panic where a bunch of people suddenly “remembered” being forced to do Satanic Rituals at daycare
when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail and stuff
"are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "
"how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "
Literal definition of “incel”.
Such a shame it got commandeered, even if it was inevitable from the start
Well, the term got created by people who were using it to describe themselves as if it were a disability and they needed some kind of special treatment to solve their “problem”. Naturally this also had an overlap with the then-trending “Pick-Up Artist” community right from the start. Or incel forums which were an insane crab bucket of woman-hating basement dwellers. I don’t even mean like just rude to women, I mean hate and fear.
Needless to say being associated with this group in any way was embarrassing and it quickly became the butt of jokes. It quickly became an insult, though I don’t think it’s exactly fair to apply to people who just are virgins rather than self - described incels who are a member of that community.
You might want to check your sources. Most people associate it with 4chan and the like but the term was coined in the 90s by a woman who started a support group for people who had trouble connecting with others, herself included.
But what happened, predictably, is that people who were helped by the group left. No reason to go to incel meetings if you’ve found love. The people who never found a part er grew bitter and poisoned the whole thing.
This is obviously fake and gay™, but PSA: if something similar happens to you IRL, it’s not therapy being useless, it’s therapist being an asshole and genuinely harmful to their patients.
The problem is you don’t know if your therapist might be an asshole before speaking to them.
You just look for a new one then right? I dunno how it works in other places around the world but we don’t have to sign up for an annual contract or anything here in Japan.
Yeah OP should say “1 therapist is useless”.
Yeah this sounds pretty believable to me there’s a lot of shitty therapists
And in most places, you can and should report a therapist who did this.
I would have assumed they were religious before asexual. I’ve known many people who were virgins until they married in their late 20s or early 30s.
I fucked so many good christian girls (and boys) up the ass in high school.
They all got married as virgins too.
Blast from the past
I’m so sorry to bring that reddit bs over, but you do have a fitting username
Th… thanks, satan!
OP needs a new therapist using a different therapy style. Keep trying folks. (I have my favorites, but so does everyone.)
finding a good therapist is like dating, but you gotta pay for dates. it’s hard finding one that’s good for you.
You must not live in America.
What, you think we get free healthcare here? Like some kind of civilized country?
Huh? They were saying that in response to the other person implying that you don’t have to pay for therapy.
I think they were implying you don’t have to pay for dates…
No, they explicitly said you have to pay for dates.
Ah fuck, you are right.
I parsed it differently and changed the meaning of “dates” mid-sentence, which one shouldn’t do when reading.
I know we don’t get free health care here. I spent days fighting to get my insurance situation fixed because I’m disabled and the American corporate healthcare quagmire suuuuucks.
i do, it sucks
if op had the bandwidth to treat going to therapy like dating, they probably would not be a virgin, and would possibly not need therapy
Im not sure if this fake person would solve all their problems by having sex.
that was not the implication, the implication is that if they were healthy enough to seek social fulfillment by “dating” multiple therapists, then they would have been healthy enough that they would have found social fulfillment by dating.
not that sex is some magic panacea.
i am pointing out an oxymoron
sucks so much that finding good therapy is so hard, and way too much effort for for those who barely have the capacity to get one.
Why pay for therapy when you can pay for sex?
i doubt that would fix the problem they are in therepy for
OP is definitely lying about how this conversation went down
That’s totally how therapy works.
Every profession has people in it who’re bad at their jobs.
yes, and then they had sex
And the cheeks clapped.
That therapist’s name? Albert Einstein.
So OP, tell me what did you try? Did you go outside and meet people? Or maybe do you speak and try to arrange in person meetings with people you know online? Nothing? When you say “trying” what exactly that mean?
I mean, as someone who used to be in a similar sort of position:
- Consider going outside and asking random attractive strangers to have sex with me -> no, that would be weird and rude and unpleasant for them, and that would make me feel terrible.
- Consider going outside and interacting with random attractive strangers in a friendly capacity, getting to know them a bit, then asking them to have sex with me -> no, I would be building the friendship under false pretenses. Revealing my desire to have sex with them would be a betrayal of their trust, and would make me feel terrible.
- Go to a bar or club where people commonly congregate with the intention of finding novel sexual partners -> Everyone seems to already know everyone they are talking to. Also, I can barely hear myself think over how loud the music is. Also, I have a creeping feeling that someone is going to stab me, so I move towards the nearest wall and put my back against it, then look in every possible direction as quickly as possible so I can see the threat before it comes. I talk to no one.
- Go to a bar or club, but drink so you’re less of an anxious wreck -> proceed to get plastered on the cheapest drinks the bar sells. Feeling that I’m going to be stabbed reduces, but this creates more space for my brain to notice that no one is talking to anyone they don’t know. Go home drunk and hating yourself for not figuring this out when everyone else has.
- Hire a prostitute -> No.
- Start online dating account -> get no matches. Max out swipes every day, still no matches.
- Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.
I’m far past that stage in my life now. But the problem most of these guys have isn’t that they are unwilling to put in effort, so much as it is that they have it in their heads that all the forms of effort that would actually be effective are, in one way or another, morally wrong.
Most of that makes sense but
- Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.
That’s silly. It’s completely normal to try and show your best self on dating sites. Unflattering pictures usually either come off as laziness, or like you’re just so ugly that those ARE flattering pictures. So long as you aren’t using edited pictures, or pictures of someone else that’s not catfishing.
I mean, all of the above points are silly. The issue isn’t the actual percieved constraints - it is the belief that these constraints are real and/or insurmountable.
For example, talking to a random attractive person in a public place because you are interested in them isn’t weird, rude, or unpleasant for them. Well, maybe it’s a bit weird these days, but as long as you are polite and genial about it, it’s the good kind of weird that makes you stand out from the crowd. Of course, you can make the whole interaction unpleasant, but former-me’s problem was that he assumed it would be, full stop.
The fact is that the above list is a list of genuine problems and concerns. But these are problems to be solved, not absolute barriers to action.
Between the lines, I think OP’s therapist might think they’re cute.
That is definitely one of the worst ways to hit on someone. “How are you still single” is not the compliment you might think it is.
Oh for sure. Not saying the therapist was being smart. Just maybe perhaps not intentionally a prick.
Fake: Anon’s therapist thinks they’re cute
Gay: The therapist is a guy
I’m also thinking that
be me, formerly professional-level troll on WoW forums
my golden days are long gone, sadly
lightbulb.wav
what if I used all my experience and mastery to earn a living?
gonna open a therapist office
MFW I’m the worst therapist in the world and morons come and pay me to ask them why they are still virgins at 28
they always go home sobbing
[Insert some pepe]
Fake and straight, obviously.
The therapist smelled red pill ideology and chose to turn away the client rather than suffer someone who consistently undoes their work by going back to the manosphere.
I know several virgins who are older than that who don’t adhere to red pill ideology. They’re just not very attractive and have social anxiety issues so they’ve never been able to find a partner. Therapy would probably help them out in that regard. I don’t think therapists making assumptions like is depicted here is the way to go. Also don’t think this story is real.
What in this post indicates that?
That’s kind of an insane conclusion to draw from this, honestly. Do you think any guy who can’t get laid is a redpilled denizen of the manosphere?
In their defense, this is Anon from 4Chan
But overall I agree with you
Fair.
People ironically promoting toxic masculinity by perpetuating the stigma that a man needs to get laid in order to be respectable and have self-worth.
