Are cuddle buddies friends or mates ?
Homos
I was so confused for a second hello violet08!
Where is my Mom on this chart relative to OP’s mom?
Your mom is in the purple section because she isn’t for love or friendship. OP’s mother sadly wouldn’t fit in the diagram.
*your mom is off the charts
Gonna need a bigger screen or a projector to draw a circle large enough for your mom.
One can find someone who is their friend, is someone they love, and with whom they have a great sexual relationship but still get zoned into “it’s complicated”. If reality wasn’t so messy, and we didn’t have such fucked up childhoods, my ride or die and I would be a perfect couple. Instead we’re sometimes fuck buddies, sometimes lovers, sometimes friends, sometimes play relationship. It’s complicated.
I hit all 3 but then she said that she’s still broken because of her past trauma and needs to work on herself first. Which to be fair is great that she realizes it, but the issue is now we barely talk anymore because it’s honestly hard for both of us. So now I feel like all 3 have been lost instead of having just the 1, friendship.
Good luck man… I’ve been through a couple of these variants but with my (current) SO of quite some time I feel like I’ve found the center. That doesn’t mean it’s never complicated, but it means we’ve learned to deal with and work through a lot of complicated stuff. I honestly believe the most important ingredient in getting to that center is the will to see the best in each other and work through whatever life throws your way.
Thanks. If anything, this friendship/relationship has taught me why people with similar trauma and personalities can be great for emotional intimacy (we get it) but also absolutely toxic when our trauma forged defenses and coping mechanisms rise up. She’s given me a lot of insight into “oh, so that’s what it’s like to deal with me when I act like that”. Love her to death but we’re not the match.
😭
100% accurate. My wife is my best friend in the whole world.
During COVID, a lot of married couples divorced because they were forced to spend time together at home every day and realized they can’t stand being around each other so much. Going to a job every day got them out of the house and away from their spouse/family for a few hours, which made married life tolerable.
But for my wife and I, self-isolating at home was business as usual. We always hang out, even if we’re doing our own separate things. Just existing in the same space together makes us happy. Heck, we both retired young, so we’re now just sitting around the house all day long together. And we’re still enjoying each other’s friendship and love.
Find someone you can vibe with on a personal level, not just someone who’s pretty or has one or two traits you want to associate with. Marrying my best friend has been the best decision I’ve ever made and it pays out tenfold as you get older together.
we’re still enjoying each other’s friendship and love.
look at ven diagram
it’s complicated
I’m 26 and fighting to fix my life, btw good for you though.
I’ve worked with so many people who use their job to escape their marriage. That sucks. I love spending time with my wife. I wish we got to go do things like we used to.
Tell me about it! My spouse was pissed when they found out about my hobbies that I was doing outside of the house, like having sex with other people
Mods remove. Clearly not a Shitpost.
i hate that i need to agree. the post is solid, its got to go.
Friendly reminder for my fellow aces out there that the sex circle just means compatibility not necessarily actually having sex. If both of you are cool without doing the Horizontal Mambo, then that means you fulfill the sex circle.
My wife and I have been married 8 years this July and we haven’t had sex since we conceived our twins who turn 6 this summer. I love her to bits, she’s my best friend. I’m just ace and she’s almost exclusively sexually attracted to women.
Yeah, me and my partner have been together for over ten years. We’re both ace, so sex hasn’t been on the table from the start and we’re both fine with it. Though I’m aro too, so who the fuck even knows how this works - but hey it does, so who cares.
You really don’t need to follow some stupid norms about how relationships should be
Right? Who even knows at this point? My partner and I even sometimes call our arrangement “Friends With (Tax) Benefits” as a joke. lmao xD
Fascinating setup. Does she have sex with women outside your marriage, if I you don’t mind me asking?
Neither of us is opposed to the idea per se, but between some issues with her health and us taking care of our kids she doesn’t really feel like looking if that makes sense?
It does, thanks for sharing. Wishing her good health!
This is pretty insightful for something in Lemmy Shitpost.
I was curious about what it would be like to have a fuck buddy for a while to be honest, thought it would be interesting and shit, unlike one-night stands.
Anyway, humans became too terrifying and morally repugnant recently to do anything like that.
Once some minimum standards, like human rights, international law, and just basic decency is restored, once there is some actual hope for this species going into the Jetsons future, instead of blade runner, or AM, then we can talk.
I always fall in love with my fuck buddies because I am weak and what I actually crave is companionship.
That would not be so bad if they were not there for just the fucking.
I’ve had a couple of those situations. In all cases it was a friend that I ended up getting horny with, and then we figured “why not?”. In all cases, the answer turned out to be that shit quickly gets complicated when people develop new feelings because they’re sleeping together.
Frankly, I have no issue with polyamorous people, but I honestly can’t understand how they get it to work. Every time I’ve slept with someone repeatedly over an extended period of time, it ended up fundamentally changing our relationship to the point where being with anyone else became an implicit no-go. I have no explanation for exactly why but those feelings just developed, no matter how much we promised each other they wouldn’t, and pretended they didn’t.
Frankly, I have no issue with polyamorous people, but I honestly can’t understand how they get it to work.
Some people are just built different. I don’t understand how they get it to work either, but if it works for them, good for them. I don’t have to not think you’re weird to accept that you exist.
You’re much more likely for this to develop organically than finding someone through an app (which I inferred would be your plan since otherwise you wouldn’t be exposed to people in general)
Yeah, it was I guess, find someone who is more like a friend (that you happen to also fuck), maybe the same approach for someone I don’t want to fuck (but for romantic reasons instead), or maybe both, no need for those to be exclusive.
Now I’m exposed to people because I’m used to it I guess, but I’m prepping myself mentally to not depend on people, because I’m also used to be rejected as a bad person because I can’t do certain things. Like, being lazy for having ADHD. Mostly punished for things I can’t control, when I would rather be away from those people alltogether. I started prepping myself for a world that admits no rights.
No matter what world we live in, we can always find community. Sure, if it comes to full on fascism, finding it might be dangerous, but that’s not the case in many parts of the world.
Nub cat spotted
it’s complicated
Not really, I love a lot of my friends. You don’t need to be a couple or family to love someone
I think love here means falling in love, in an erotic way. The broad term “love” complicates communication sometimes.
Good, but realize there are two people, each with their own idea of which part of this diagram applies to their relationship with the other person.
P1: Love + Sex
P2: Friendship + Sex
Situationship?
P1: Love + Friendship + Sex
P2: Friendship + Sex
Unrequited Romantic Love for P1.
‘Its not that serious’ for P2.
And then this gets even more complicated when you try to account for just sexual attraction, desire to have sex with the other, but not having actually had sex yet, as a variable for both parties.
P1: Friendship
P2: Love + Desire for Sex
Clueless ‘Friend’ for P1
Limerence/Infatuation for P2
P1: Friendship + Love
P2: Friendship + Love + Desire for Sex
… Greek Tragedy.
And and, this is just for monogamous couples or pairings and doesn’t well describe polyamory, cucks, cheaters, swingers, etc.
And and and, as Macchi the Slime points out, this also is inadequate to describe asexuals aces, for whom both P1 and P2 sharing Friendship and Love constitutes a full couple relationship, potentially a perfect match, or where an ace paired with a non ace can follow different dynamics/rules.
And and and and… people have different definitions of what constitutes ‘Friendship’ and ‘Love’, and, those definitions may change overtime, and, people may change whether or not they consider the other person a Friend or a Lover as time goes on.
In conclusion, nice try cartoon cat, humans are unfortunately considerably more complicated than that.
But you just used it as a tool to categorize and explain a wide swath of relationship dynamics. The only thing you needed was to apply it to the individuals instead of the relationship writ large.
I think the cat is in the middle of a lecture too. Maybe that’s the next slide?
I guess my point is that this is but a stepping stone to perhaps a better systemic way of trying to understand things…
… or, perhaps the fact that you have to keep complexifying and expanding on the original concept and giving it caveats and special cases… means that some other kind of fundamental approach would be superior.
Lets hear what Professor Cat has to say.
I think the best way might be the simplest way that achieves a consensus that sufficient nuance is considered.
Or rather, the minimum necessary that everyone affected can use the tool proficiently to meet their needs. Most tools need regular maintenance or discarding, but cat is giving simple, so maybe cat is on to something.
this is pretty good actually
Sorry but this is a trigram
