edit: rule
Maybe I’m digging too deep here but I kinda see it as a reflection of how capitalists want us to view them
There is probably a lot of overlap between neglectful fathers and the men that are media executives.
Neglect is abuse. Loving parents don’t abuse their kids.
GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI
I’ve never properly been able, until now, to express in words the neglect I’ve perpetrated.
I don’t think everything is black and white like that. My dad has mental health issues but he does try when he manages to think about doing so.
“Oh no! My parents forgot to feed me for six weeks! It’s okay; they’re unwell.”
Abuse with an excuse is still abuse.
yeah I got fucking whiplash when I realized my dad didn’t hate me he’s just super autistic with a touch aversion
i was 29 years old when I realized this, I’m not sure he even has a hint of a clue
My wife had this realization as well. She’s autistic, and was complaining about some of her dad’s habits. I mentioned that her dad was probably autistic too. She seemed confused.
I pointed out that what she had just complained about were some behaviors that were basically the textbook definition of autism. But he was an Irish Catholic boomer. He grew up in a world where authority figures tried to beat the demons out of him instead of getting him diagnosed. So he probably developed a lot of coping techniques to try and mask. And half of the things she was complaining about were his coping techniques, the other half were the autistic behaviors he was trying to mask.
For her, the realization was like shattering an illusion. Suddenly, she started recognizing all of the traits and behaviors that she never clued into before. Because when she was growing up, all of the behaviors were normalized. And as an autistic person herself, she didn’t even think to question a lot of his peculiarities because they didn’t seem peculiar to her.
That happened with my mom recently. She self diagnosed as autistic last year and has been going to a therapy group. I 100% believe without a single doubt that she is autistic, it makes sooooo many things with her make so much sense.
My problem is, I still need her to say she’s sorry for some pretty terrible things she’s said to me. She won’t do that and just yells at me for things she’s perceived I said/did that I’ve already apologized for a bunch of times. A lot of it is just her misinterpreting my words or actions, I still said sorry.
But I need her to apologize for things like the countless times she’s said “you are not my daughter” over the smallest misperceptions. And she can’t do that so I’m just stuck here feeling like I don’t have a mom.
yeah unfortunately I can relate :/
i went no contact with my mom quite a few years ago for never accepting responsibility for any wrongdoing or apologizing my entire life.
hang in there ❤️
💚
My dad is borderline. He tries. He went to therapy and started medication but I think it was too late for him. It’s very hard to change when you’re older.
I still have no clue why the movie gave him sea creature-themed henchmen
Ninjago is the Bioncles of middle zoomers
The what is the what of what now?
Yesss. I remember the first episodes coming out so well. Loved them as a middle zoomer child
Invented entirely by deadbeat dads in writing rooms.
“Not now, son. I can’t attend your birthday party because I’ll be busy writing a deadbeat dad who works too much. Luckily, it’s really easy for me to get into his mindset for some reason.”
Oh wow, katamari damacy has unexpectedly entered the chat.
Whenever I think of terrible fathers, he comes to mind immediately.
Yesn’t? I think it is possible to love your kid while being a shit parent. In fact I know. If anything I’d like to see it revamped into a bad parent attoning for their failures, accepting that they have harmed their kid and adress it with the kid. “I see now how I was a bad parent to you. I see the hurt I caused and I am sorry. And while it doesn’t erase what happened, I will do better.” I’d love that as a signal to bad parents that they can do better. An an empathic wake up call
My Hero Academia did this decently well with
spoiler
Endeavour. He realises how much he fucked up and tries to fix it. Some of his family eventually accepts it while others never forgive him
That’s fair. The real issue is when that redemption is not earned, or when the fact that the parent did love them is used to garner them sympathy from the audience. Love without action doesn’t count
Yeah id be happy to see the parent attempting to atone, the child accepting that attempt, but still not forgiving them.
And then here’s the important part, the parent keeps atoning even though they get no forgiveness from the child.
So much about that abusive relationship is tied to control. You need to re-earn trust.
Ive seen so many parents try to recognize their fuckup only for it to end in “well i tried once and the child didnt forgive me so screw that brat”
I agree. You need to reflect your own behaviour and adress it. Only then can this be meaningful.
Also dont factor out someone’s situation and how that contributes. My mom left when I was like 4 so my dad became a single father of three, he didn’t want to be neglectful but he also had to work 12 hour shifts to afford the house and everything else we needed. Never once have I felt like my dad didn’t love me I just wish society would be better so we could have spent more time together as a kid.
I can’t imagine… sending love for little you and your two siblings. That’s a good dad who made you feel like this while also working such long shifts.
Yup he’s great, he made sure to cook homemade meals most nights after his long shifts and taking us out in nature on his days off.
This x1000. Cobra Kai never dies!
I am more pissed at how it takes like 5 minutes of apologizing to fix all awkwardness and resenment completely.
“I apologized therefore everything is resolved and any further conflict is just other people holding on to the past” is such a gaping window into the selfishness of some people.
In my world, an apology is just a promise to keep doing whatever it is they’re apologizing for. I don’t want apologies, I want the shit to stop.
You run into the problem where generations of men were raised that showing love for your family meant providing for them; most men didn’t work at home. So if you were physically at home with your children, that meant you weren’t out trying to give them a better economic life.
It has only been recent that this paradigm has shifted.
Neglect is absolutely a form of abuse. I feel the need to point out, though, that some dads are dealing with emotional scars of their own. In a few cases, neglect is actually an improvement from what the dads themselves went through.
There’s a stage of maturity in being able to acknowledge why someone acted the way they did, but still recognizing that they needed to do better and need to actually work to heal the damage they did.
Trauma is most often generational–almost certainly most cases, and definitely all I’ve personally encountered
Importantly, so are coping mechanisms.
I rewatched Inception recently, it’s interesting because it has this trope centered in the plot. Cillian Murphy’s character, Robert Fischer Jr., had a father like this, and while he never believed in his son (at least as far as we’re revealed), the plot centers around having him believe that he did.
I was positively surprised by Drops of God (Apple tv series) in this respect.
At the start you’re like “father can’t have been this bad, I’m sure people are overreacting”. At the end you’re like “omfg what a massive cunt”.
Just about everything coming from AppleTV right now is hitting these marks. Very believable relationships and stakes. The main character’s dad in Shrinking has a moment very similar where he begs him to be better but he just refuses.
I liked “Waiting for the Out” a lot. It’s kind of this trope but then it’s the exact opposite.
What about the dad that abandoned their kids but then reappears to ask for help now that their kids have reached success as a physician or other professional peak?
It’s always some bullshit excuse - “they’re going to cut off my electricity” “I need help paying for food” “I got kicked off Medicaid buy haven’t bothered to try to reapply” “I got heart surgery but still don’t plan to stop smoking”
There’s the human appeal of not wanting to see your father suffer. Knowing what it’s like to be poor. Every ~2 months it’s the same phonecall… Hey, can I get $3-500 just to get me through this month?
Where were you for 25+ years mother fucker.
That one is really hard. You aren’t wrong if you say no, change your number, connect them with services, ignore, etc. But you have a heart so it still feels bad. So dad extra sucks for this.
This sounds like a classic alcoholic. Or substance abuse.
Am I a bad person for wanting to see my father suffer? He’s an asshole, my three younger siblings and myself unfortunately have to live with him as my mom cannot find her own home (she’s staying with her dad). He’s inducing depression in even the youngest here (11 y/o). It’s infuriating.
You are not a bad person. It is in fact quite common to wish gor the bad parent to suffer. I know it is hard to take this step, there is a lot of red tape, fear and shame, but have you considered talking with Child Protective Services about the situation?
I’ve had a couple of years of therapy, and am waiting for some other orgs to make contact with me after an intake I had yesterday. But that’s mostly for myself, anything related to my siblings I think I cannot easily initiate.
You are taking care of yourself, that’s good! I also think I unintentinally placed way to much responsibility on you in my previous comment. I didn’t expect it to read as you having to take care of your siblings wellbeing or didn’t realize how hard this is. This is a put your own oxygen mask on before helping others situation. It sucks but it’s the right thing. Hope the orgs call back soon and can help you through this.
Legally, I’m an adult (21 y/o), so CPS wouldn’t apply to me. That’s why I assumed you were talking about my siblings 😅 but you had no way of knowing my age
I wouldn’t give a stranger a bunch if money, why would I give someone who abandoned me money. They’re basically a stranger and just using the father/family angle to manipulate who they can into giving them money.
For what it’s worth, if you’re his only child, he left before you were born, and never had another relationship after, there’s a very good chance he’s not a motherfucker. An asshole, yes, but not a motherfucker.
I’m proud to be a motherfucker, shows I stuck around after the baby was born (though that should be baseline).
That one is realistic though, the one in OP is just giving them redemption without making any effort to repair the damage or grow as a person.
Lots of stuff can be explained by untreated mental health, and intent without action is a symptom of a lot of that stuff. It’s worth being forgiving IF they’re willing and trying, correctly, to improve.
Life is often too nuanced for memes
